Not escaping it...

A few days ago, I wrote to one of my blogger friends that I don't want to
hear about Valentine's day. That I'd pretend it doesn't exist. I might as
well, cause this holiday's never meant what society defines it to be for
me...Granted I've made it an occasion to celebrate myself and buy me some
flowers. I even made it a point to wear red on past valentine days but to
this day, it's just never worked out as a celebration of my romatic love
for someone. I've been ok with this, but I can feel it getting to me this
year...last year I felt a bit of excitement & hope. This year, zilch! I
didn't bother wearing red, though I am carrying a red tote bag, same one I
have for months so I suppose it can't count as a special expression of
love, lol. As much as I am trying to float above society's pressure, I know
I am a tad bothered by the fact that I am yet again single on this day. Add
to it my dissapointement at not receiving any special attention from my
"love interest" though I knew it was a far fetched hope. You would think
this knowledge would have stopped me from playing out in my mind how I was
gonna receive a call from him asking me to lunch today...and rehearsing how
I'd casually react to the invite as if I hadn't realize he was asking me
out on Valentine's day...on the off chance that this fantasy would actually
come true, I wore quite a flattering outfit that makes me feel great but
helas, no news from him as I sit here past 4.45PM.
Poor thing, why do I keep doing this to myself? hoping and expecting
things, when I have a good sense they won't materialize. So much projecting
and expecting...only to end up flattened like some pierced balloon....When
do I get to be totally content with my circumstances? When do I start truly
acting like I am and have enough? popular advice is that I need to love
myself, give myself the love I am craving...but I feel like I already have
pretty decent love for myself. I do loving things for myself, I'm kind to
me, I talk nice to me, so I dont believe that longing for romatic love
means I have issues. What's so wrong with wanting someone who choses me and
wants to be with me? is it really so wrong?

Posted by K. on Thursday, February 14, 2008 at 4:49 PM

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

V-day is a commercial holiday! Don't let it gt you down. Once you are in love it means very little. My husband and I share money so I would rather have nothing then have him spend my money on me LOL.

Wait for the right person, never settle and love yourself!

February 15, 2008 at 8:38 PM
Tully said...

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved and have companionship with someone, it is only normal.

I always have a little hope that someone special will do something for me for Valentines Day and noone ever has! :-) I think it is fun to get excited by these things a litte, as long as you don't take it to heart if it doesn't work out.

Hugs and Happy Valentines day from me!

Thanks for letting me know about your blog, I love it when I find new bogs to read!!!

February 15, 2008 at 11:39 PM
Tali said...

dearest, you are loved beyond measure. each and every day...not just valentines day. don't ever forget that.

February 16, 2008 at 2:51 AM
Anonymous said...

There's nothing at all wrong with wanting to be loved. We all want it.

That said, I have to admit that I hate Valentine's day. I have always hated it, whether or not I had a boyfriend on the day. Frankly, it always seemed a little obscene to me - not in a sexual way, but come on, no matter what story you read about St. Valentine, it ends in the man's execution!! It just seems a little cold and disrespectful to me to basically say, "Oh, he was a great man who did great things and died a horrible death - here's a pink teddy bear to celebrate!"

WTF? You better believe I'd come back from the grave in a fit of rage if I were him! LOL

Ahem. That's my annual V-day rant. ;)

February 21, 2008 at 11:55 PM

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