It's that guy's birthday. You know the one I've been having a
"relationship" with all by myself, all in my mind. I've not talked to
him in about a month, and last saw him back in January. But him & his
bday have been on my mind much like these thoughts/wishes of us getting
together are.
What can I say? Even I don't understand my own irrationality, but
anyway, I started the day with a prayer for him, the underlying theme of
which was that he would please please see the error of his ways when it
comes to his relationship with me, lol...no just kidding. I blessed &
released him to whatever good the world has for him and then I called
him, lol. Left him a nice upbeat message for his bday which I am sure
was a complete surprise to him cause we never really talked about the
date, but I remembered it...so anyway, left my nice message and then got
a text message back some 5 hrs later thanking me and asking me how I
knew. Text message. Yea I know. You needn't even say anything, though
you probably should just to knock some sense into me. I am trying not to
qualify the fact that he texted instead of calling, trying not to
project judgement on to what it means but I think it's pretty clear that
people who are well mannered and slightly appreciative of their
relationships would call back.. Wow...is all I can say... anyway I slice
it, this just doesn't seem considerate...Wow.
My romantic delusions
well....
I am not sure how to even say this but I was basically back on the waggon for about half a minute today. I started out struggling to get out of bed for my 6 a.m workout, got an hour done on the elliptical, had a bunch of healthy meals but then all hell broke loose around 4pm when I ate 4 packs of those 100 cals snack packs in one seating for no special hunger, no particular reason, except maybe to sabotage myself yet again.
I tell you I am growing increasingly annoyed with this stubborn lack of focus that seems to have overtaken me. And because those 400 cals weren't enough damage, I topped it all off by eating a very big MCDonalds for diner!
yep! I am in desperate need to examine what's going on and truly commit to staying the course and finishing off this weight loss effort. I can't lose any ground, can't afford that...so it's high time I got a grip!
K.
Sprung into fashion!
Gosh the week end's already over... it's amazing how week ends just zoom by and before you know it, it's back to work! I had a good one, got caught up on my shows and sleep, relaxed, did some work and went shopping. That I had to do to with some sense of urgency to supplement my 6 outfits wardrobe, lol. No kidding, I really only have a handful of work outfits which is quite a change considering I had quite the extensive size 24 wardrobe. I mean my closet was just overflowing with clothes for the past few years, which I now realize was pretty much a reflexion of some out of control spending and shopping. There really is a direct correlation between how we feel and the stae of our weight, shopping, finances, etc. it all dawned on me in the course of losing 80+ lbs, after which I got rid of my oversized wardrobe, paid off all my debt and decided to limit my wardrobe to a few classical items until I reached goal weight...I am glad I went through this cause it made me realize I really didn't need all that stuff. Well I am still not at goal and since getting there is taking a bit longer than expected, I decided to just work with what i got at the moment. I want to dress up and embrace exactly where I am right now so I began exploring spring and summer 2008 fashions. The new styles look decent. I can't quite tell what the exact summer look is supposed to be but I am hunting for stuff that works with my very pear shaped body. I got a few classy but sassy cuts for work...they flatter my body I think so I am gonna rock them next week. I had no idea this post was going to turn into a fashion commentary, I had actually set out to blog about regrouping and getting back on track with my workouts and food...Now that I got so far off course, I suppose I'll save that for tomorrow, lol. have a great week everyone! K.
It is almost all well...
I am not blogging much these days though I really want and to. Blogging helps me stay in touch with me and remain accountable but I’ve simply been too busy at work helping the new boss get settled into his functions. Things are going real well between him and I, he’s steadily giving me more responsibilities, involving me, appreciating my work, and that just feels great! And fuels me to such a degree that I am like consumed, lol… the more he assigns to me, the more I want to excel and prove myself, and so everything currently revolves around my work. I know those of you who read what I posted when the new boss came last month will think: be careful what you wish for cause you might just get it… last month I was indeed wishing for a chance to rise to the occasion and prove myself to be a formidable team player. I felt like I was not where or who I wanted to be at work, and was hoping to establish myself once and for all. Well it looks like that is happening and that makes me quite happy. It’s providing a great distraction from all that negativity I was letting in, all that wishing, questioning, etc.
I must keep this going and make sure I get a grip on this pattern I have of getting so excited and consumed by my work that I loose sleep to the point that the slightest little thought of work that occurs to me when I get up to pee at night will keep me up for an hour. This is so annoying cause I end up not sleeping enough and having an excuse not to workout in the morning cause I need more sleep. So I really need to figure out a way of calming myself down and leaving work at work.
Speaking of working out, I notice that I am less and less focused on my diet and exercise. My days are so intense I end up giving myself permission to indulge in little treats to reward/comfort myself---I am basically struggling to keep up and remain focus on all important aspects of my life. I need to find a balance real quick cause I cannot afford to lose ground on either my weight loss or this momentum at work. Tomorrow will mark a week of not working out after I had gotten my groove back. A lot of it is due to work, but frankly I have no excuse for not doing it yesterday and today nor can I explain eating that whole apple pie and ice cream all by myself not to mention the fact that I have already rationalized not working out tomorrow either, cause hey I cannot not stay be up late to watch the returns from the Mississippi primary and the late night shows that are sure to mock the NY Governor sex scandal, God forbid should I miss those, LOL. I know I could tape them and watch later but then what would I chat about around the office watercooler tomorrow????
So I suppose I have no choice but to give myself tomorrow but then I have to get back on track on Thursday and stay the course till my birthday, which just happens to be the day of the next primary in Pennsylvania, April 22nd! i love that date! Think I can lose 10 lbs by then?
My first tag!
So I've been tagged! My friend Lisa(http://theskinnyonline.blogspot.com/) did the honors, and this is my very first. I usually don't like Forwards and the likes but I think this is supposed to be a fun thing in blogland, so I'll play along.
Here Are The Rules:
1. Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post THESE RULES on your blog.
3. Post 7 weird or random facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag 7 people and link to them.
5. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.
7 weird or random facts about me:
1. I am 30 and I still suck my thumb. Always have, my mum says it showed on her sonogram when she was carrying me and is one of the first things I did coming out of her womb. No one managed to make me stop as a child and I have no intention of ever stopping. It centers me, helps me relax and focus sometimes. Plus it provides good practice...
2.My last suggestive sentence might make it hard to believe that I am actually quite a prude. BELIEVE ME, not by choice, that's just how things played out. But I am no nun either. I"d define myself as a complex mix of liberalism and conservatism.
3. My best friend's a guy I met through some guy I "dated" about 8 years ago. Some guy and I had met over the internet, he was weird, I let him go, but his childhood friend became my best friend. I like to think that the only reason I ever met Internet guy was for him to introduce me to my friend.
4.Come to think of it I've never really had a boyfriend...uhmm.
5. I barely know the city & country I was born in and am a citizen of (London, UK). In fact, I consciously only remember 7 full days of my life there.
6. I sometimes dream of things or get a signal of things to come in my dreams. This caused some recent emotional turmoil, cause my interpretation of dreams lead me to get ahead of myself and was left feeling dissapointed.
7. I pray in different languages and creeds. So it is not uncommon for me to go from English to French, Wolof or Arabic in one prayer session.
I actually enjoyed this little excercise. I thought I'd struggled to come up with 7 weird/random things, but I find myself wanting to say more. I am passing the fun on to:
1.Lady T @ http://2whommuchisgiven.blogspot.com/
2. Martse @ http://takeupyourbedandwalk.wordpress.com/
3.Tully @ http://prettyif.blogspot.com/
4.Lululeelee @ http://lululeelee.wordpress.com/
5. Fat as Hell@http://justoofat.wordpress.com/
6.Elizabeth @ http://creamynougatlair.com/
7. Fat Bridesmaid @ http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/
