It's my favorite time of the day...the time when I retreat to the safety and comfort of my bedroom and reflect on the day now gone by and clear things up for the day to come. Evenings have become so precious to me, in that they give me the opportunity to check inwards and get back to my center....this is when I lay the ground for a peaceful night... I did not always do this, but it's become a very grounding and cherished ritual for me in the past few months, one that I intend to hold on to til I find better things to do before I go to sleep(i.e the kind that involve a MAN), lol.
Last night though I was quite anxious about what I see as a new test for me at work.
See, I get a new boss this week, the 3rd one in 5 years. My experience with the previous two was generally good. Things started well but left me dissapointed and unfulfilled because I never
felt noticed, acknowledged or recognized ...mostly by my own doing. Self doubt, not believing in my own worth and competencies were the main culprit and they sure reflected on my demeanor. And so I doubted, hesitated, recoiled, gave up on occasions and just plain checked out...only emerging at times to seek validation and approval, or to project what I thought would be wanted instead of just being me, my best me.
So I was not taken as seriously and didn't matter as much as I could have. I let fear of being inadequate get the best of me and failed rise.
Thankfully though the universe operates in such a wonderful way that when we sincerely look within and intend to do better, second chances are granted. So after months of working on my physique, mind, spirit, I get to showcase myself all over again. With this new boss, I get
to redefine and re-establish myself professionally. Work is the area where I feel least aligned at
the moment and the one I most want to improve this year. I prayed for improvement in this area and another chance was given to me. Now, I have to be present, consistent and confident enough to will finally feel proud of my professional ways.It won't be easy. It will take breaking a lot of negative and self defeating habits. I will have to be less lenient. I will need to maintain my focus. I will have to be consistently aware and strong. This time however, I have a good coach and friend I can rely on. One that did the work, prepared herself and is willing to do things differently. How good it feels to finally be on my own side...
Last night though I was quite anxious about what I see as a new test for me at work.
See, I get a new boss this week, the 3rd one in 5 years. My experience with the previous two was generally good. Things started well but left me dissapointed and unfulfilled because I never
felt noticed, acknowledged or recognized ...mostly by my own doing. Self doubt, not believing in my own worth and competencies were the main culprit and they sure reflected on my demeanor. And so I doubted, hesitated, recoiled, gave up on occasions and just plain checked out...only emerging at times to seek validation and approval, or to project what I thought would be wanted instead of just being me, my best me.
So I was not taken as seriously and didn't matter as much as I could have. I let fear of being inadequate get the best of me and failed rise.
Thankfully though the universe operates in such a wonderful way that when we sincerely look within and intend to do better, second chances are granted. So after months of working on my physique, mind, spirit, I get to showcase myself all over again. With this new boss, I get
to redefine and re-establish myself professionally. Work is the area where I feel least aligned at
the moment and the one I most want to improve this year. I prayed for improvement in this area and another chance was given to me. Now, I have to be present, consistent and confident enough to will finally feel proud of my professional ways.It won't be easy. It will take breaking a lot of negative and self defeating habits. I will have to be less lenient. I will need to maintain my focus. I will have to be consistently aware and strong. This time however, I have a good coach and friend I can rely on. One that did the work, prepared herself and is willing to do things differently. How good it feels to finally be on my own side...
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